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Differing the Different

It’s Monday and I’m already wondering if I need psychiatric assistance. Incidents over the years and my reaction to them have got me asking if there no such thing as ‘forgetting’. Do our sub-conscious memories affect the way we behave? Do the atrocities we have suffered or witnessed others suffer change the course of our life? I’ve been told (too many times, me thinks) that I’m ‘independent’, ‘hard-hearted’ and ‘stubborn’ – my friend of 16 years told me recently these attributes are maybe the result of a not so great childhood or adolescence. She even thought that I don’t use enough smiley faces. Does that mean that if I had a “happy” childhood, I would be a milder person? If my parents had been exemplary individuals I would have been less temperamental? If I had been treated nicer by my “family”, I will be less independent and more vulnerable, as females are perceived / ought to be? If I had more extended family, I’d understand why so many people post statuses on Facebook of love towards their cousins and siblings and not treat it like an annual ‘must-do’ chore. I cannot imagine how strange it would be to think that I would / could have been a different person based on what has been going on for 26+ years. My biggest fear when it comes to having children of my own is that history would repeat and I will not have the control I want to have over these situations. I’d love my children to avoid the humiliation, hardships, financial ruts, and suffering I have gone through and have a happy childhood. I’m not sure what I mean by “happy” – but in my mind, it’s when I walk in to someone’s home and see pictures of them with parents or family and most importantly they’re smiling. Guess how many I have of them? Zero. I stare at pictures and hate them for the same reason; it frames happiness – the kind of happiness I never was a part of. At the same time, I’m grateful that my mother raised me the way she did. No emotions were permitted because it made you weaker – independence was mandated. Women could do anything, if not more than men, is and was her constant mantra. I’d like my progeny to have a few of these traits; I’d hate them to grow up fretting over trivial affairs and not being able to cope with breaking a freshly-manicured fingernail. I choose to forget a lot, but is anything ever forgotten? I remember incidents that happened before I gained any linguistic skills. To this day when I meet those people who have caused these hardships by heart hardens. When I feel that I’m about to go through something similar, I want to fight back, beat the odds. Now, being ‘independent’, ‘hard-hearted’ or ‘strong’ only makes me think that maybe I’m more damaged. I was told once that fire not only burns, but is also used as a method of purification. The people who choose to be a part of our lives need to put up with so much – it’s not easy being us. I think it’s like loving a tornado-volcano hybrid. That’s enough thinking for today. If going through what I did meant that I’d have the experiences I did, acquire the friends I have today (not too many of these rare treasures), I won’t trade for anything less.


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Relationship Advice from Sri Lankan Aunties

Of Unicorns, Disney Boyfriends, and Glass Slippers

Have fairly tales influenced our decisions? Are the happy endings we read about cause for our constant disappointment?

As I am 27, many many wonderful people take the liberty of reminding me that I am no longer in my ‘blossoming youth’ - I tell them often enough that if they approach these grounds without bodily provision, I will make parts of their anatomies blossom. I am just kidding, I do not say a word, I simply cower away with the most hackneyed excuse of all time ‘I am waiting for my Prince Charming’. To this, I always get the same answer saying that I watch too many sappy movies, read too many Mills & Boons (yes, in secret till I was 20) and watched too many Disney cartoons and I have UNREAL expectations. Can you believe the audacity these people possess?

When I think about this now, I think boys have been influenced by fairy tales far more than girls. Why? If you do think about it, their behaviour, perspectives, and assumptions are rooted in those magical books courtesy o…

Types of Sri Lankan Boyfriends

If you're a Sri Lankan girl under the age of 18, mentioning the ‘B' word will have your parents cartwheeling, calling the best witch doctor in Anuradhapura saying that you're possessed, because, after all, no Sri Lankan female under 30 was allowed to find love on her own accord.
For your Parents, every boy is trying to break open your treasure chest (if you know what I mean) – they are rabid pariahs, almost like anthrax. For every young girl educated in an all-female school until the budding age of 19, they’re lissome creatures, must-haves in every way.
It may not be very evident at first, but Sri Lankan Boyfriends are of several ‘genres’, if you may. Let’s take a look at some of the most obvious types!

1.) Moose:

This is the one who seems to have opinions of humanitarian, thoughts of a poet and a personality of a stone. Scrolling through his news feed, you will find so many interesting posts, quips, and comments, but IRL, he is just like Moose from Archie comics… ‘Duh… that&…

Ways Sri Lankan Girlfriends Drive you Nuts

Sri Lankan girlfriends are the ultimate ‘lunu dehi’ – they're hard to eat and need to be taken in smaller doses with a lot of other things to cut the acidity. The good kind is harder to get a hold of, but you know how amazing your plate of rice tastes with it. The same applies to Sri Lankan girlfriends. This week we pay homage to Sri Lankan girlfriends who seem to master the art of driving their boyfriends loco with carefully concocted ploys like the ones below.
1.)Menu Options Let’s start with my personal favourite. When he texts, “Babe, what do you want to eat?” when he is coming over or is grabbing a takeaway meal, the Sri Lankan girlfriends knows *exactly* what she wants. Whether it is Tipi Tip, Red Velvet Cake, or a 12-pack KFC Hot Drumlets, she knows, but she will wait until her SO tears his hair running out of options. Patiently waiting, tapping her nails, until he consults Yamu and Zomato for all the restaurants in town.
2.)Part Time Bouncer While on the subject of food, on a …

Does Size Matter?

My first question to a close friend after she declares she's just engaged in vigorous copulation is not 'How good was it?' or 'How long did it last?' - It’s ‘How BIG is it?’ I use my hands as means of measurement. Anything from elbow to wrist is a ‘unicorn’ – midway there and I smile my seal of approval. If I have to use my fingers, then it’s a different story altogether.

In strange way, there seems to be a positive correlation between the size of a man's penis and a woman’s satisfaction in bed. Think about it. Women, from the very beginning, have been 'gatherers', which ideally means they sow, reap and they secure provisions for their family. In a contemporary scenario, women are independent and we only expect men to provide the things and feels a dildo cannot. Women are financially independent, confident, career-minded individuals who buy their own Prada bags, drive a swanky number, and book their own vacation air tickets online. As gatherers who presi…