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What it’s like being the Fat Girl!

Disclaimer: This post is not about winning your sympathy. This is about letting you know what it feels like to be the ‘fat girl’; it is not always too bad – there are fun moments as well. 
Not all events and incidents mentioned in this post relate to me. 
These are common events that take place universally, to most fat girls. I take pride in calling myself one – this is no form of debasement, nor is it an excuse, but pure acceptance of who I am, and it’s telling you that I have no problem with it.

My BFF introduced me to Nicole Arbour, the world’s sexiest comedienne who recently published a highly criticized video on YouTube about fat-shaming [click here to watch the video]. She sent me the link to the video to tell me how frustrated and agitated she was about a Caucasian running down ‘obese’ people. Funnily, Arbour does have a point to her video; she talks about getting our act together and being mindful of what gluttony does to our bodies – except, she does it by insulting overweight people names, and saying that they smell of sausages. Accurate? Yes. Delicate? Far from it
This video stirred up a little angst in me, and I debated on whether I wanted to write this. It is not my typical terrain, but it had to be done, and I took the challenge.
As a big-boned / broad / chubby / broadly-structured [fat] girl myself, I know that heavier girls, especially in this part of the world are shamed relentlessly. Not only by the men, but women as well make sure they go out of their way to make us feel uncomfortable. 

There was a phase in my life where I did not want any pictures taken of myself, mainly because I was ashamed of myself.  Between 2005 to about 2011, I do not think I have any proper pictures of myself. Until mid-2011 my Facebook profile picture was either a dog or a flower; such was my self-esteem.
In the last three years, I began to change this notion, and decided that even if I was the only person who liked me, I will post as many pictures of my Michelin tyres on my timeline. I did not care if no one liked them. 
Arbour's video made me want to compile this list, and as I said before, I do not want to gain your sympathy or vice, it is only a glimpse of my world. 

·         Guys only make friends with you to gain access to your hotter best friend. This is the universal truth that I learned far too late. You wonder why the boy seems friendly, nice and asks for your number. You cannot fathom your luck when your phone beeps with his constant messages throughout the day. 
      Then one day, your heart beats faster when you see his message being typed on Facebook messenger saying;
X: ‘I hope it’s not too soon to ask you this…’
<X is typing>
Me (thinking): OMG! He is going to ask me out!
X: ‘But, I have given it some thought…’
<X is typing>
Me (thinking): Shit! Am I even ready for this? We’re friends, what if we break up? But, he will look super good in the wedding pictures! Arggh! I have to remember to respond nicely so that it will be an entertaining story at the wedding toast!
X: ‘And, we are so close and I know I can tell you anything..’
<X is typing>
Me: Yes…we are, and we will always be.
Me (thinking): This is it! I am going to change my Facebook relationship status right away – wait, will he be okay with that?
X: ‘I really like your friend, can you help me ask her out… I know that if you say something, she will trust you’
Me (thinking): What? No... Wait, he likes her? What? NO! I AM HIS GODDAMN SOULMATE!
Me: But, of course, what are friends for! You two would make such a great couple! This crossed my mind several times, I am glad you brought it up.
(Curls up in a foetal position and dies slowly)

      You are the girl who will be at the front of the class, appearing to be studious, but in reality you are just trying to project an image that you do not care for attention from the opposite sex. 
      As you sit writing your notes, you are fully aware that the hotter girls behind you received many paper notes (now Snapchats) from the boys, and you were the only one with completed notes in class.                                                                  
I love all the compliments I receive, but then there are those who feel uncomfortable when they detect faux compliments. My policy is to not say anything at all if I have nothing positive to say. I believe there are those who feel the need to say something, even if it is complete fallacy. “Oh my! Look at you! You have lost sooooo much weight!” This does not always apply, but only when you, me, and the mirror know that it is not the truth. There are many women who know when they are patronized and loathe having to respond to you. Personally, I like compliments, please keep them coming!

It is very ironic when chain-smokers warn me against the sin of consuming chocolate.
      So, what you are trying to tell me is that lung cancer is not that big a deal? 
      People have come a long way, and they are well aware of the repercussions of their actions; I bet the ‘fat' people are the ones most aware of the calorie count each confectionery item possess, and frankly, that lollipop they are sucking on comes out of the wrapper and unlike the penis you were blowing on. Let’s weigh in now, you contract an STD and I, diabetes; truce?

I do not call myself a well-travelled person, but if I were to caution the chubby, I would tell them to avoid travelling to Vietnam at any cost. When you are the fat person, you are usually okay with the sales person directing you to the department that has ‘XL’ labels, but in Vietnam I was literally ‘shooed’ away at the point of the doorstep of the shop. I was shooed away, like a mangy dog that was there to steal food. I thought it was an isolated experience, but when it happened in four consecutive shops, I knew that the big boned were not welcome.
·         When you on the double digits in clothing sizes, you already feel awkward walking into a store; you are aware of the acute disapproval and condescending looks. The least the salespeople could do is be polite; if that's asking too much, they could just have an icon of sumo crossed out, like a non-smoking sign on their glass.
      To continue to with the above, you CANNOT make eye contact with the person over the counter when ordering cupcakes. It feels as if though you are committing adultery, in front of your partner. Some people who work behind the counter need to understand our insatiable desire to satisfy our craving for sugar is the reason behind their success!

As the ‘fat’ person, you can rest assured that you can work out in peace while at the gym. The hotties are not going to bother chatting you up or complimenting you on your progress. The downside is that you could die when the barbell falls on you, and no one will know. You could focus on an uninterrupted run on the treadmill, and not ever be bothered to take your headphones off when the person next to you wants to make casual conversation. #gymtales
You also have a full view of men who gawk at the thinner variety, as they treat the gym as their personal ramp to exhibit their luminous next-to-nothing attire.

You will always be the person people scorn at, telling you what to do with your life and what you should be consuming. There have been several times where I have personally wanted to get up from a table I was eating at in the cafeteria and go to another table. My colleagues use every opportunity to warn me of the dangers of carbs, or one too many servings of puddings. I have been so close to telling them off in choice language but managed to calm myself down because I knew that this was something that stemmed from their heart.

These amongst many are some of the tribulations the ‘fat’ go through; on a happier note, it is refreshing to see that people have come to accept others despite their size, race or religion; we have come a long way. I applaud the campaigns the world over, starting from Dove that talked about real beauty and put model resizing to shame.

It is not easy being ‘big-boned’ but it is not all too bad either; the next time you feel sympathy or scorn towards someone who boldly sports a tank top, think that maybe there are ridiculing you for not being able to fill out a pair of jeans in the derriere.
Again, I want to add that this update is not to gain sympathy, but to put things in perspective. Have fun being you, and for those ‘chubby’ folks, you do you.

That’s it from me for now, but as always I welcome your feedback on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter! Have a great October!


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