Posse – noun pos·se \ˈpä-sē\: a group of people who are together for a particular purpose.
Single – adjective sin·gle \ˈsiŋ-gəl\: not having or including another: only one /: not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone.
If your heart wrenched just a tad, you know exactly what this feeling is, and you have been there yourself. I have always been ‘the single girl’ amongst my friends; be it when I was twelve years old sporting a training bra, or during the latter stages of teenage years of eyebrow reshaping. I am quite used to playing this role and would gladly do so to retain uniformity and balance in my social circles. That was meant as a joke.
I was asked recently what it must feel like to be the only single friend in a pool of friends who are mothers of two, married women in their second trimester, happily married or about to be so. I think I said something to the effect that I had not thought of it, which is partially true. This had me thinking that there is a small, yet distinguishable group of individuals who fall into this category, and here is my spin on being the only single girl in my posse
(1.)Your couple-y friends discuss you: Their conversations revolve around you, in a good way. The conversations will revolve around not offending you with their couple-y garbage. The occasional flings you have are usually discussed too and go something like this:
Friend A: “…So, that guy… is she serious about him? I am not sure if he’s right for her…”
Friend B: “Leave it. She will come to her senses…eventually.”
(2.) Partners of the couple-y friends discuss you: The love your friends have towards you is shared with their spouses as well. They, too, wish you had a significant other because this would mean fewer WhatsApp voice notes sent to their wives in the dead of the night; uninterrupted sleep without having your wife giggle incessantly over the ludicrous conversations you have from male models on Instagram to the digitally lame couples who post their post-copulation selfies would be a welcome change.
Husband: “Why does your friend (me) think she is Superwoman? Every time I ask her about settling down, she says something about being fabulous like Beyonce…”
Wife: “Leave it. She will come to her senses…eventually.”
That being said, they can be super protective in a fraternal way by insisting that you do not take cabs home at 10:00 pm.
(3.) Your genuine friends tell you to stay the f**k away from relationships; enemies in guise try to pair you up with other male friends. I love how conversations between the singletons and married friends have evolved from “You should settle down fast; we will run out of men soon or else you are going to be alone for the rest of your sad life” to “Why must you rush into these bloody things? Just sleep with him and get it over with – don’t both wasting your life in a relationship”. God bless these friends.
(4.) Friends with children prefer that the children did not come near you, lest you put some evil thought in their heads. You are not a role model. Your conversations with kids might be peppered with the ‘F’, ‘D’, ‘C’, ‘B’, and ‘A’ words and pretty much the whole alphabet. It is certainly hard for parents, mothers especially, when you debunk the whole theory of Disney happy endings and leave children asking their mothers a series of never-ending questions. You also learn that telling kids that Frozen is banned in the world will leave them bawling for a long, long time.
(5.) You can pass the aisle containing cookbooks and know full well that none of it will be gifted to you anytime soon. Or ever.
(6.) They think you are the walking erotica, you think they are the walking romance novels. The opposite levels of our separate love live spark interest. They love hearing about your scandals, you love hearing about their couple-y romance things. Both parties aspire to be each other.
Friend: “Give me all the details. Spare nothing. Tell me everything. Give me measurements. Help me visualize this -don’t stop to breathe.”
Me: “Wait… first tell me how your husband surprised you with the ring hidden in the two dozen roses”
If they are true friends, conversations will revolve around food, movies, food, food, clothes. They don’t even bother getting too excited when you say, ‘Oh, I have met someone’.
(7.) They encourage you try to out new things: Cross stitch, CrossFit®, or even cookery. They understand boredom of being with someone – they would rather you be bored learning how to knit. They will not dissuade you when you WhatsApp pictures of the latest round of bruises from trying to do things that are meant for someone 50 pounds lighter. Oh, did I mention gravity-defying hemlines? That, too, passed.
(8.) They worry when you would opt to stay in on the weekend because they want to escape the talons of marriage and its vicious circle of routines.
Friend: “It’s Friday…What are you doing?”
Me: “Er, in bed. Why?”
Friend: "It's 8 pm on a Friday night and you're in bed?... What’s wrong with you?”
Me: “At least I am not stuck making dinner and doing dishes”
- End of conversion – Friends encourage you to do things with your single life; they know all too well that all this will fade instantaneously when your water breaks.
(9.) When you are the only single one in your posse, friends do not allow you to ‘settle’ for whatever passes your way. Even if it is a one-night stand, they insist on standards. "What are you like desperate to sleep with that slob?” is what you are asked. “Use this freedom, why settle when you have this when you have a smorgasbord of hotties to choose from”. May God bless these friends too.
(10.) You are allowed to have two desserts.
(11.) When you get to spend the day with them, it is all about you. You become their child. You are treated like so. As you are single, you get to choose where you want to eat, what you want to eat, how many you want to eat. A day with them is all about getting to do what you want. As you sit in the passenger seat, sing along with the radio at the top of your lungs, you know they love you.
(12.) Their husbands eventually treat you like their kid too. BFF’s husbands insist on dropping you home after a function, even if it meant detouring 10km away from where they were supposed to be.
(13.) They don’t mind hanging in the blistering heat at a rugby match, just to watch you happy to see boys rocking super short shorts. Some married friends understand the need to visually stimulate ourselves.
(14.) You are expected to accommodate their eventual delays and cancellations in good spirit because they are the ones who are married and have responsibility – but if you are a second later than promised, you might as well turn back or be prepared to hear the list of their responsibilities.
(15.) They minimize the PDA in front of you so that your eyes don’t well up with longing. Recently, I was at my BFF’s place for the day; I came over in the morning with plans to stay until late that night. As I walked in, her husband was preparing to leave for work, and I observed that they didn’t do the departure Macarena, and I asked her why she did not kiss him on his way out, only to realize that they were being considerate about how I would feel if they were to do a Mills & Boons on me. I must remember these lessons for when I become a smug married one day. Hopefully.
As a single girl entering the dirty thirties, friends are why your sanity prevails. It is both interesting how they tend to mother you, or treat you like a walking book of Kama Sutra – but, no matter how it goes, being the only single girl in your posse is very entertaining.
What do you think? Have I missed anything? What are your experiences like? Feel free to let me know on Ms. Confidential on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter! Enjoy the rest of your October!
Definitions of 'Posse' retrieved from the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/posse on 21 October 2015.
Definitions of 'Single' retrieved from the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/single on 21 October 2015.