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Have I Missed The Mating Call?


Do you sometimes look at your phone and have it actually ring nanoseconds later? Do you feel your mobile vibrate in your bag just as you are taking it out, a stream of text messages come pouring in? You begin to realize in wonder that you are in sync with technology to an extent that you respond proactively before you are alerted.
I stumbled upon some interesting facts about mating calls of different species of animals recently; it reminded me of a conversation I had with a colleague at work about how I unreceptive I am towards the opposite sex. This colleague, well into his forties prods and nags at how I allow my ‘fortuitousness’ to go to waste. He takes every opportunity to ask when he will be invited to witness my nuptials, and this at least twice a week.
The incident I am about to relate to you took place about two months ago when I visited this colleague, whom I shall now refer to as ‘Alex' for ease of narration. Alex is in procurement and meets many vendors throughout the day – as I was done with my discussion with him, I recall a gentleman walking into his office. I politely excused myself to see my way out when Alex hurriedly introduced me to him, and to this date I do not have even a vague recollection of him.
It was a mid-level manager in a leading organization; according to my colleague he has been athletically-built, aesthetically-pleasing, and seemed like marriage material.
A few weeks later Alex regaled the story of how two young(ish) individuals were introduced, and he being an ‘attractive, well-salaried man' should have evoked my ‘mating' vibe to lure him. Instead, as he told our colleagues, I walked out oblivious to what should have come very naturally to me to exchange business cards to 'develop' any further conversation. He claimed that I lacked the skill to lure, pounce on, and devour my prey. It was painstakingly pointed out that the reason behind my single status was because I had missed the ‘mating call'. The others agreed, and my eyes flicked from one side of the room to the other looking for an axe to facepalm myself with.
Neatorama says that red-sided garter snakes have an annual 'mating ball'. Let that sink in for a minute. This is when the female garter snake (singular) releases a pheromone that attracts a few hundred male snakes (plural) to create a large slithering mating ball, literally. An average garden snail spends up to six hours swooning and ‘playing' with his mate, and shoots out love darts – this is equivalent to a male gifting chocolates in hope to enchant his lady. Sparks and fireworks go off in the animal kingdom and yet I forget to pass out my business card in hopes that he might ‘friend' me on Facebook.
This had me wondering if I had actually ‘missed the train’. I resolved not allow to allow this to happen to myself – or anyone. I made a list of things I would do to make myself more aware of potential candidates that I wanted to share with you:

1.) Don’t depend on the iPhone to get out of iAwkard:
Needless to say, I use my phone to save myself from the awkward ten-second silences in an elevator – I also use this ploy to exit conversations, avoid drunken men in a club, or just scroll through the different feeds of my social media platforms to while away boredom. The other day my phone battery ran out and the surge of panic that I felt was insurmountable; instead I kept focus on the road and I was pleasantly surprised when I played ‘spot the hottie’ in the neighbouring cars.
Go out in public, dare yourself to leave your phone in the car. Shopping for groceries? Leave your phone on silent mode, look around, let your eyes explore.

2.) Intro-tango: 
I just made that word up. I challenged myself to say something beyond the mundane ‘Nice meeting you’; I have now included mini phrases like ‘X company? Oh, I heard about the acquisition, how is that going?' – and BAM! Ten points for creativity. It helps to show that you are interested and interesting. Do your part – it takes two to tango as they say!

 3.) Get off the trampoline – save energy for the high jump: 
As obscene as it may sound, you need to get off the temp jobs and clear the stage for the main man. I encourage my friends to have as much as "fun" as they ought to, but you know how when fun stales when a ‘one night stand' turns into a ‘daily-for-six-months' without anything solid? That, unfortunately, hinders your path in responding to anything substantial that might come your way.
Even if meant entering the Sahara desert in terms of activity down under, it might be worth if it leads you to the one who makes it rain every day. Was that too much? I’m sorry.



4.) Declaration of independence: 
If there was anyone guilty of this act, it would be me! I frequently and publicly announce my single status, its wonders of not being cheated on, the unlimited hours reserved for my bed, and the low phone bills. For me, the joy is real. However, for anyone listening, it may sound like I am a ripe old cynic. This trait is most unappealing to anyone who might be remotely attracted to you. Rejoice and be happy, but there is such a thing as you become what you speak, it would be good to be aware of who your audience might be lest you preach to a ‘potential’.

5.) Be nice to nerds:
I read somewhere to be nice to nerds in school because they would eventually be your bosses. In the same way, maybe you should be nicer to the guys who don't drive the swankiest number to hit the A2, the ones who don't have the latest side-swept-shaved-under hairdo, or post numerous selfies with their biceps flexed. There is enormous potential in what you and I classify as 'the average Joe'. They could be the ones who never fail to check on you after a night out, the ones who insist on having you dropped home albeit in a PickMe cab, or the ones who are generally very nice to you. Our so-called standards are so warped from everything pop-culture feeds us that sometimes we fail to let the ordinary mesmerize us.
Small tips? Perhaps so. You might be surprised with the changes this can bring about. Who knows - maybe just like you intuitively look at your phone, you might respond to someone you might like. Here is a chance to hone your receptors and not missing a mating call!
Got any suggestions, thoughts, or ideas? Direct them to Ms. Confidential on Facebook or Twitter!

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