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What I learned from a Breakup

Break ups are good for you; no – really. It wasn’t a typo.

How ironic that I decided to write this last week, and this evening I run into my Ex-Boyfriend with his new girlfriend. I always imagined how this moment will turn out. My morbid imagination allowed me to fantasize thus – I would drop down to my knees in slow-mo, crying out, ‘Noooooo…' and clasp my bosom to stop my breaking heart; my face wet with a flood of tears, and then, as is the case it with all Bollywood endings, it will rain, and I will slowly wither away.
Instead, my reaction was slightly different; I calmly crossed the road and continued on with getting to my intended destination.

If this didn't happen this evening, this read would have turned out to be entirely different.

It's almost 10 PM and I am having my Milo with the biggest smile I have worn in years. Today is my triumphant win against my former self, against the one who swore she couldn't live without 'him' and wanted to give up.

Unknown to us, we learn a lot from a breakup. I listed them out – maybe you will agree, reflecting on someone who broke your heart too.

1. Goodbye, Goo-Face:
Maybe he was toxic to you; maybe you knew it – but didn't want to admit this to yourself. Or, you would have been blinded into believing his bogus fa├žade – either way, he wasn't meant for you.
This is opportune for you to clear yourself away from the person you weren’t intended to be with and create an avenue to attract what was meant for you.

2. Is This Even Me?
Every time I am asked if I regretted being in a relationship that ended badly (worst being my last), I tell people that in the end, I learned about myself and therefore, there is no regret.
I had less than 12 hours to pick myself up to face one of the most defining moments in my career when I broke up; failing was not an option. You learn how resilient you are, how fragile you could be, how much devotion you are willing to dole out to someone; you also know that you are brave when you look in the mirror bloated with non-stop crying and you smile at your reflection and tell yourself it will be better.

3. Masked No More:
With No. 2 above, your Ex’s scales will soon fall off and you see him for what he is: a Brand Ambassador for what the Family Planning Association warns you against – a walking STD.

4. Inside Out:
One of the blessings that came from this breakup was my constant need to defy my pain threshold; I told myself, ‘If I can go through that, I sure AF can do this’ – and with this new found courage, I started this blog, ‘One Tart Too Many’, started my journey with CrossFit, and explored my other areas of interest. Best break up ever? Abso-effen-lutely.
Some learn to cook; some are inspired to write poetry, some others enjoy long walks to the refrigerator.

5. Copa-cabana:
You learn to cope; not because you want to – but because you can’t live like a hermit with nit-infested hair under a tree wearing his tee-shirt expecting him to come back.

6. Happy & Hoppy:
You learn that not every story has its happy ending. Pop! And you come out of that bubble and receive your welcome to the real world. In order to grow up, heartbreak is necessary. It widens your scope.

7. Good Lovin’:
One of the hardest things to do is to love yourself – it's even worse after you have had you heart stomped on. With time I healed, I learned that I had to love myself – I was all I had.

8. Signed, Sealed, Protected:
With loving yourself, comes the second stage where you learn to protect your heart. With heartbreak, you become more aware of whom you should be giving your heart to next time around. I became more aware that if I did commit to the wrong person, it meant that my sadness snowballed into the Godzilla of Failed Love. 

9. Friend, Foe, or Friendly Foe:
Another thing I learned is true friendship; be aware of those barefaced b*tches who have your Exes as friends on Facebook, or the ones who casually hang out with them but forget to mention it to you until months later, or the friends whose concern lasts as long as they have enough deets to start rumours about you.

10. Next Stop – True Romance:
Sigh. This is want I want for every woman who has been betrayed by the one she’s given up so much for – the welcoming her real life partner. Breakups prepare you for this; with all the soul-searching, sadness that moulds you, and determination that drives you, you will meet the one who was intended for you.

It’s 11:15 PM and I still have that smile on my face. If you have ended things with someone you imagined your entire life with, you are not the only one. Find yourself and you will be found.

With that, you have my list of why breakups are good for you! Is there anyone who could use a nudge in the right direction, go ahead and click on the ‘share’ button. Cheers to you, if this was you and you have passed these phases! Have you had similar experiences? Is there anything you would add on to this list? Do let me know in the comments section below, or follow Ms Confidential on Facebook, Twitter, or Google+ or look out for similar reads on


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