I treated myself to Nora Roberts' ‘Boundary Lines' last weekend; the story in short – a ‘player' finds the girl of his dreams and gives up his philandering. I just propped the book aside and thought to myself, ‘Will I ever be the girl of someone else's dreams?', ‘Is there someone out there looking for someone like me?' – I wanted to add if he is, can someone please hand him a friggin watch and GPS?
To be honest, I haven’t had these thoughts wander into my mind for a while. The last two years have been about being the girl who funds her lifestyle and looks after herself above all else, if and when a man were to come in, it wouldn’t be for anything material. 2016 has been about being the girl of my own dreams.
To celebrate three years of being single, I decided to consult a few beautiful, accomplished, and strong women whom I am privileged to call my friends to tell me about what they think about loving yourself first.
Shani* (29, Entrepreneur) has been single for almost three years but doesn’t miss having a significant other to ‘complete’ her. A staunch believer that a girl should not be reliant on a man for fulfillment, her only regret is not being able to start a family. Having been in a questionable relationship, Shani says that she has pursued a dream of opening a clothing store and completing her Masters, which she wouldn’t have been able to if she has been with her former boyfriend. She has battled confidence issues single-handedly and says that she overcame it completely! Talk about putting yourself first to achieve everything you’ve wanted – she also says that she loves her independence, freedom, and a good night’s sleep with the knowledge that no one is cheating on her. #GirlPowerNathasha* (30, Design Studio Manager) is an exemplary mother of two who has been separated from her husband since last November. Instead of giving up, Nathasha strives to lead a normal life for her children; she doesn’t neglect her needs as she says that a divorce ended a bad marriage, not her life. Many of us say that she still looks 16 with a trim physique, she says that now life is about regaining what she lost in years of an unhealthy marriage; she has a romantic love interest, and she balances her life with building herself a career, finances, and enjoying time with her friends. Now, ladies, that is how it’s done. It almost makes me feel guilty about the cartons of ice cream I bought earlier today – here’s a girl who puts on levels of coping.
Ruwani* (30, Lecturer) who’s been single for six years says the only bane in this is equation is that she isn’t able to give her Mum the joy of planning her wedding, and her Dad, peace of mind in knowing that his ‘little girl’ is being looked after. She is courageous enough to admit that she would like children ‘with or without a husband’. It took me a while to understand that being the girl of your own dreams does bring society to frown on your decisions, but Ruwani is one strong lady. She, too, values her independence and freedom but moves on to say something so profound that I've wanted to have it framed in every space in my house: retaining your own identity and be recognized for your accomplishments, and not become anyone’s complementary.
She says that being single hasn’t held her back from achieving her goals; in her message to me she confirms, ‘If I ever felt that a relationship would hold me back from achieving my goals, I’d negotiate a path that would allow me to do so, or rethink being in the relationship’ #SLAY
Hermione* (30, MBA Student) declares that she has been single for ‘an extremely long time’ –
Swen*(28, Lawyer) values that she is able to provide undivided TLC to her parents, she’s been single
for over eight years and loves that she could prioritize her needs. I learned something valuable from Swen about being the girl of your own dreams – it's important to ‘switch off'; the daily stress can sometimes get to us. It's important to treat yourself with respect and keep technology at bay. This is something you wouldn't be able to do with a significant other whose needs we would have to tend to as well, despite our energy levels.
Talisa* (30, Flight Attendant) is living proof that your dreams are your own, and it doesn't matter in
Rish (22, Corporate sector) has been single for two years says that the only thing she misses about in a relationship is companionship. I learn something profound from this inspirational little lady who says, ‘
Being single was, in fact, the hardest and at the same time the easiest thing I have ever done in my life’. In loving yourself first, I
On the flip side, I’ve spoken to three ladies in relationships for their input as well!
Sienna*( 24, Finance Executive & MBA Student) is seeing someone now, but has been single for two years – she says that freedom is by far the feat that she misses greatly, and says that is made her more independent. She says she became self-reliant that no guy had become the focal point in her life; she had complete control over life decisions and her libido. Atta girl!
Seh* (22, Attorney in the Making) has been in a relationship for eight years! (I believe that as she penned
Ten inspirational ladies in different junctions in their lives but they all believe in one thing. Be the girl of your dreams first; your story is only half as great if you don't accept that relationships are secondary. Thank you, ladies, for letting me be a part of your amazing stories, you’ve inspired me – and I hope many others who read it.
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[All images are courtesy of Google]