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Relationship Mode

Nope, I am not in a relationship. I am tempted to add ‘yet’ at the end of the last sentence, but I resolve not to tempt that little b*stard, Cupid. But for a serious moment I ponder on what I would do with the blog if I ever end up in a relationship – do I continue with the same tempo? Do I switch to the ‘L’ word? Sigh. That’s another problem for another day.

Today, however, is not this day.

Remember I told you that there are odd days when for five minutes I fantasize about being in a relationship? So, one of those happened today. I know I complain about couple-y things people do in public (physically and digitally). But, I also admit to being the first to do those very vile things if ever I found someone sane enough to be with me. Here’s a list of things I would certainly engage in, much to your annoyance. Be thankful I am single...very thankful. 
Hang on a tick…I am just going to open my Facebook feed for inspiration.

1. Sello-Frape:
The rage for selfies came about in 2010/2011 if I remember correctly. At first, it was a ghastly thing to post something as intimate as a couple selfies, but now this happens between transitioning from UFC (Under-Flirting-Cover) to LL (Legit Lovers), in fact, it's in the handbook too. That's evidently how people making things ‘public'. I need to figure out which my best side is!

2. Crappiversaries:
Anniversaries. Your only annual thoughts hover over how long it’s been since you had ‘Meow Meow’s cheese-rings, or how long has the Butter Boutique been in operation. 
But, boy, if I did, I would have monthly posts declaring how my ‘Puddy Wuddy’ has made my life amazing and how he is ‘the centre of my universe’. I will even use up the 1,700-odd characters Facebook posts allow me to talk about EVERYTHING he does for me because the world simply must know. 
The game is on, baby.

3. Flora-Talka-Lotta:
I get it. Your man gets you flowers and that’s really sweet. Sometimes I wonder if it’s really necessary to post a collage of the flowers from different angles with a close-up of his note. 
But, yes, if this is what the dating community declares is normal; bring on the PicCollage® grids!

4. Team Tag:
It's really cute when couples 'tag' each other, and ‘share' posts on each others' Facebook timelines. What makes me want to hurl is when this happens 5 times an hour. I wonder if they knew they could share this privately; nonetheless, I will join the bandwagon in full force.

5. Hinty-Hinty:
You know when someone’s posting on Instagram directing it at someone…I am so doing this! I even have a secret stash of pictures downloaded for my easy use.

6. Club Convo:
I cannot wait to screen shot our conversations (in the initial stages) to share it with my two BFFs for deliberation. It’s exciting how ‘How was your day?’ can be interpreted in so many ways.

7. “Harsh”-tags:
Yuck. I just saw a couple that had hashtagged their nicknames for each other – and I just cringed until my neck felt strained. Maybe I’ll avoid this one…I may be in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean I lose my dignity and sanity altogether.

8. Docu-my-man-taries:
Is it necessary to document EVERY single thing you do over the weekend? Including your gourmet fries at McDonald’s? It’s a completely different thing if it’s the Maldives or some posh resort. Let the documentation begin!

9. Gift-ten:
I literally came across a post where someone had laid down all the gifts she received and created collages on social media. I am so taking notes from her.

10. PDA:
Lesson number 10 to self: Be okay with tongue throttling with boyfriend, even in the company of a single friend.

11. ‘We’ing:
No, this doesn’t have anything to do with the loo. It's just that I've noticed how people in relationships instantly go into ‘we' or ‘us'. It could be any question, but it's answered in the plural. ‘Do you like Justin Bieber’s new song? 
No, we don’t have time for radio”. You look nice in that dress? We both agreed with that colour suits me. Plural.

Relationships are wonderful things; they really are. For those of you in relationships, I hope you cherish that person IRL as much as you do digitally. As much as I rant on about how irresponsible people are to post intimate photos or annoying statuses, I know full well that I, too, will be a part of this charade as well.
For people like me who constantly wish people 'take it to a room', here's a thought - you will get there too. It's only a matter of time.

What do you think? Is this you now? Are are you guilty of committing one of these crimes? Hit the 'share' button and let me know what your thoughts are on Ms. Confidential live on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter and look out for more reads on!

[All photos are courtesy of Google]


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