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Appreciation of an Ex

If you've just broken up from a relationship where you thought you've found it all and you are finding it impossible to cope, all you can think of is the hatred that seething through your veins. You envision a special place in hell for him – someplace hotter and crueller than general. I've been there; all you can think of are ways to finish him (physically and metaphorically) in the most diabolical ways possible. But, recently, while enjoying an hour long soak with bath bombs, I began to think that maybe we have this all wrong – maybe a broken heart can do you wonders. Here are a few ways in which I think we need to 'thank' our former lovers and partners than loathe them for the disruption they've caused with their ghosting.

I’ve used the term ‘disruption’ but think of it as an instance where you’ve decided to shake away the weeks (or months) of dust gathered on a rug that you had been meaning to clean for while but simply forgot.  You discover that it's a vivid colour -  long lost amongst the grime. Just like that desolate rug, a ruinous relationship can do a lot for you – you just need to see it like I do.

1. You discover how strong you are thanks to him: Of all the things you hate about being single again is that you realise that you've plucked the courage to stand on your own two feet again. You giggle-snort every time you think of those times you've professed your love and told him that you wouldn't know what to do if he were to leave. You didn't know at the time that you were discovering how strong you really are. You've cried to a point of dehydration but boy, you come out stronger emotionally and spiritually.  

2. Maybe you've decided to spend some time solo or dive back into the dating scene – the choice is entirely up to you. If you decide to spend some time on your own, you begin to appreciate how that hurt turns into self-appreciation. You begin to like you (this is not to be mistaken with You Do You). This is simply the phase where you re-introduce yourself to you. Being in a relationship can change you and being let down in the worst ways can do more. Discover the new you.

3. If and when you are ready to date, you appreciate your Ex for the lessons you learned. You now know how to identify the weed and scum. In fact, you thank him because you’ve become more shrewd and know how to beat them at their own game.

4. Maybe you’ve always wanted to try Zumba, kickboxing, CrossFit, or run a marathon. Your Ex perhaps didn't do everything to motivate you to get there but now, on your own, you venture out there and begin to learn new things. Little experiments could grow into a passion and before you know it, you hardly recognise yourself in the mirror. I'm not talking about the physical transformation only - it's your confidence. You're happy and it shows.

5. Some relationships if not all end in a very ugly place. Most often women are bruised emotionally and these wounds rarely heal. The stories you hear sometimes are beyond comprehension. It could be the incessant beatings or just hurtful words (words hurt too) but you know in the sufferings you experienced, you could have been able to advise a colleague or be a better friend to someone who could be facing a similar situation.

6. One thing I always say is that I am thankful for the bad relationships because I’ve learned more about myself in those times than any other. I’ve learned that just because I am unhappy, I wouldn’t be unfaithful – unlike them, I won’t blame unfaithfulness to stress. I’ve learned that I wouldn’t try getting their friends as a form of vengeance. Like me, I am sure there are plenty of women who’ve been tried but thanks to a rotten man have discovered more about their strength.

7. Finally, you appreciate the man who changes everything for you because you've been ill-treated time and time again. Just when you think that a miserable relationship has swallowed all hope, you are then able to channel all those emotions to a man who is able to reciprocate it.

8. As there are no distractions, you can now focus on work far better than before. You don't have to leave when you are asked to - you complete your work with vigour and stealth (mainly because you worry that boredom will drive you nuts) because you want to forget him and actually end up impressing the Boss with your winsome attitude.

You could have just walked out of a broken marriage or broken an engagement for just about any reason. It's not the end. I read that somewhere that just when a caterpillar thinks it's faced its end, it turns into a butterfly – the most beautiful phase of its life. Just like that, this relationship could be the unravelling of the most beautiful parts of your life. Don’t lose hope – thank your Ex for what they will transform you into.

Got anything to add? Have a different perspective? Get in touch with me with your thoughts via Ms Confidential live on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter and look out for more reads on Don't forget to hit the ‘share' button and send it to your BFFs!

[All images are courtesy of Google]


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