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Types of Sri Lankan Girlfriends

Most people think that they have their best ‘lightbulb' moments in the bathroom – not me. I have mine in the office cafeteria during lunch. Here, I am treated to conversations of twenty or thirty-something year olds who dole out the odd bits and bobs about their boyfriends in generous portions like Mother Teresa feeding the poor in India. Social media has been doing this for a decade now, and I am beginning to see a trend on Sri Lankan girlfriends – here are the ones I like best!

  1. The Gone Girl

This is the innocent girl whom you attended the same A/Level tuition class at Shakthi Institute. The quiet, unassuming, studious girl who never forgot her homework. Except now, she has 8,000 followers on Instagram; gone is her My Little Pony fa├žade that is now replaced that of a polished Kendall Jenner with peaks and troughs in all the right places. She is the girl, contrary to popular belief, who is not asked out as much as the public opines because at the sight of her men wither and refuse to make eye contact.

  1. The Good, Good Girl

Have you looked at someone and realised that they are by far the most talented actresses, feigning innocence? They are the ones who bring the full plate of kiribath, wear long-ish skirts, and win approval from Aunties because her saree ‘pota’ is draped to hide her navel. But, because you are their friend, you know what an actual freak she is. Like the type of freak-show that Usher refers to as ‘a lady in the street but a freak in the bed’.

  1. The Bold and the Glam

As a girlfriend, her main reason to date you is because you take the best pictures of her. You are her human selfie stick. As you have learned to display patience as you grit your teeth and tell yourself that she is worth it, seventeen poses later, she decides on yet another angle that brings out her eyes best. Whether it is a weekend in Galle, dinner at home, or at the McDonalds car park, she needs to have it documented. It’s not uncommon for this type of girl to tell you to stop driving to start posing because the world *must* know that she is stuck in traffic. She is most often perfecting her pout, lining her lips, completely oblivious to whatever you’re saying. You tell yourself again, she is worth it.

  1. The High Flyer

The high flyer is also the reason you have a high fever – mostly out of worry. She is super driven – working towards shattering the glass ceiling at work, proving her Superior that she deserves the promotion. Leaving work at 8 PM is like having short leave. Any boyfriend who demands more than her 3-minute text break, scheduled right after lunch at her desk, is shown the door without any hesitation at all. She is yet to see the Colombo’s cityscape during sunset, but she is rather keen on the horizon that promises her dream job.

  1. The Doni

I didn’t mean ‘The Don’ – it’s far from that. This is the perfect girl whose sole aim in life is to please her parental unit. Whether it’s purchasing her dress, career, the length of hair, the friends she is to associate, it always requires the blessing of both her parents. Her day is not complete if she doesn’t text Amma with an hourly update of her day, and her father phoning every 20 minutes if she isn’t home at the said time. As a Boyfriend, you will truly begin to question your role in her life and your worth.
Perhaps the parents deem that she ought to get her beauty sleep by 09 PM, fearing wrinkles and premature greys, phone screens cause cancer – so, I guess you’re ‘single’ thereafter?

  1. The Freedom Female

As a former Ms Independent, she will find it hard to allow you into her territory. She wants to, but she doesn’t know how. While she pines for your attention, she needs her long periods of time alone to ‘centre’ herself. While the rush of the Nugegoda weekend pola excites her, she is truly at peace with a book. If you are Boyfriend to a Freedom Female, you're often in limbo – not knowing for sure what charm will work best for her this time.
This is just six types – and you and I both know that there are way more types of Sri Lankan girlfriends than that. We’re just about juggling our careers, domesticity, monthly appearances in the gym, responsibilities and we just want to look like Huda Kattan when doing so.
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