Skip to main content

How Sri Lankans Define Relationship Goals

I was reading about successful relationships recently and it opened my eyes to the fact that humans define success in relationships in so many ways. What you and I call ‘regular’ is someone else’s ‘ultimate’ or vice versa – just when you thought you knew everything having read the latest issue of Cosmopolitan SL, this oxymoron – successful relationships, is my subject to pick on this week.
A goal is what you work for; the destination that you hope to arrive at. So, let's try to determine how Sri Lankans coin their Facebook-officiated, Snap-Chat the perfect Stories, for their Insta-goals. For many Sri Lankans (or possibly me), if I'm willing to share my Perera & Sons lamprais with a bite of the fried egg, you're special. But, let's take a look at how other Sri Lankans define Relationship Goals.

1.) “Social” Behaviour
For some, being "official" on Facebook is the ultimate goal. When he "rings" you on social media, he is telling his 1300 friends and 96 other followers on Facebook that he is yours. Here, all his Aunties, Nandas, parents, cousins, and colleagues, could now see that he is *finally* willing to make a commitment. As a Sri Lankan girl, this is the ultimate announcement.

2.) Colour Coordination
You may deny it by claiming that it was coincidental, but if it's happening, you're happening. The matching sarongs for Avurudu parties, church, weddings, and the list goes on. You might be wondering, how is it a relationship goal? Isn't that basic? Honey, have you *tried* telling a man what to wear and ever succeeded? He could be perfectly okay with his Bata bubble slippers, shorts, and tee shirt with holes – but you didn't just pay ASOS an insane shipping fee to Sri Lanka to look like any other day. You didn't invest your weekends carrying your outfit to every store just so that you can match his tie. 

3.) Friendship with your Friends
Your best friends have been your Day Ones since 1995. If you’re best friend adores your boyfriend, you know you’ve done well. If the friends who’ve been with you since the BB (before bra) days you played ‘Boys, Girls, Fruits, Flowers’ can be friends with ‘Him’, you can surely rejoice, goals have been attained.

4.) Office Dos
Personally, I believe that bringing your SO to an office party is far worse/better than going official on social media. They will remember your Boyfriend for years to come, even when you’re over them, they probably have photos of him on their phone. This permanently sears your chances of scoring it with any of your hot colleague forever.

5.) Significant Sporting Events
With the Bradby Shield close at hand, I realised that bringing your girlfriend to a significant sporting event like this is almost as good as sealing the deal. Nothing tells a woman that you love her than taking her on a romantic weekend in the hills that you don't remember much of it because of the dangerous levels of toxicity. On your way back home, you look at her blissful expression and wonder what you did that was so good. 

6.) Mini Vacays
When you’re taking trips together, you realise that you have unlocked a new level of intimacy – a relationship goal. Like Super Mario, stepping into another level bringing him closer to the Princess. It’s no wonder that this is a major Relationship Goal. You’re experimenting what cohabitation will look like. Does she trust you enough not to run screaming out of your room when she takes off her false lashes? Does she sleep with her foundation on? Does she actually 'wake up like this'?

7.) Vacation with Parents
Do you remember your how Sri Lankan parents at one point told you that you cannot hold a boy’s hand until you’re 31? Somehow, a veil has been lifted and your parents allow you to take breaks with your SO and also make good travel companions when they join you too. Your heart sighs with contentment because there’s nothing nicer than seeing the very woman who’d box your ears into numbness or throw a slipper at you, sitting across your human and being civil.

8.) Perfect Social Media Partners
The concept of an Instagram Husband was born as recently as 2016, it’s when your Boyfriend or SO realizes that his sole purpose in your life is to capture the perfect angle across the table or the pool where you can deceptively hide your muffin top or flabby arms. Now, the photo-taking can take place every few minutes, and it's not the perfect picture until she says so. In order to accomplish this, he must love you. Love you enough to not push you into the said pool. 

9.) Watching and Liking Lion King
When the movie Lion King came out in 1994, I was about 8. Since then, I’ve known people who still watch it and cry every single time. For me, it's The Simpsons. It’s important for them to find partners who share their zeal.
The good thing about goals is that it can move from one level to another; perhaps you're waiting for the Facebook officiating of your relationships - maybe his parents don't like you yet, but that doesn't mean that one day you might be on vacation with them.

Follow Ms Confidential on Facebook, Twitter, and Google.

#DailyMirror #LifeOnline #Colombo #MsConfidential 
All images are courtesy of Google & Giphy.com

Comments

Read More Here

Relationship Advice from Sri Lankan Aunties

Of Unicorns, Disney Boyfriends, and Glass Slippers

Have fairly tales influenced our decisions? Are the happy endings we read about cause for our constant disappointment?

As I am 27, many many wonderful people take the liberty of reminding me that I am no longer in my ‘blossoming youth’ - I tell them often enough that if they approach these grounds without bodily provision, I will make parts of their anatomies blossom. I am just kidding, I do not say a word, I simply cower away with the most hackneyed excuse of all time ‘I am waiting for my Prince Charming’. To this, I always get the same answer saying that I watch too many sappy movies, read too many Mills & Boons (yes, in secret till I was 20) and watched too many Disney cartoons and I have UNREAL expectations. Can you believe the audacity these people possess?

When I think about this now, I think boys have been influenced by fairy tales far more than girls. Why? If you do think about it, their behaviour, perspectives, and assumptions are rooted in those magical books courtesy o…

Types of Sri Lankan Boyfriends

If you're a Sri Lankan girl under the age of 18, mentioning the ‘B' word will have your parents cartwheeling, calling the best witch doctor in Anuradhapura saying that you're possessed, because, after all, no Sri Lankan female under 30 was allowed to find love on her own accord.
For your Parents, every boy is trying to break open your treasure chest (if you know what I mean) – they are rabid pariahs, almost like anthrax. For every young girl educated in an all-female school until the budding age of 19, they’re lissome creatures, must-haves in every way.
It may not be very evident at first, but Sri Lankan Boyfriends are of several ‘genres’, if you may. Let’s take a look at some of the most obvious types!

1.) Moose:


This is the one who seems to have opinions of humanitarian, thoughts of a poet and a personality of a stone. Scrolling through his news feed, you will find so many interesting posts, quips, and comments, but IRL, he is just like Moose from Archie comics… ‘Duh… that&…

Ways Sri Lankan Girlfriends Drive you Nuts

Sri Lankan girlfriends are the ultimate ‘lunu dehi’ – they're hard to eat and need to be taken in smaller doses with a lot of other things to cut the acidity. The good kind is harder to get a hold of, but you know how amazing your plate of rice tastes with it. The same applies to Sri Lankan girlfriends. This week we pay homage to Sri Lankan girlfriends who seem to master the art of driving their boyfriends loco with carefully concocted ploys like the ones below.
1.)Menu Options Let’s start with my personal favourite. When he texts, “Babe, what do you want to eat?” when he is coming over or is grabbing a takeaway meal, the Sri Lankan girlfriends knows *exactly* what she wants. Whether it is Tipi Tip, Red Velvet Cake, or a 12-pack KFC Hot Drumlets, she knows, but she will wait until her SO tears his hair running out of options. Patiently waiting, tapping her nails, until he consults Yamu and Zomato for all the restaurants in town.
2.)Part Time Bouncer While on the subject of food, on a …

Does Size Matter?

My first question to a close friend after she declares she's just engaged in vigorous copulation is not 'How good was it?' or 'How long did it last?' - It’s ‘How BIG is it?’ I use my hands as means of measurement. Anything from elbow to wrist is a ‘unicorn’ – midway there and I smile my seal of approval. If I have to use my fingers, then it’s a different story altogether.

In strange way, there seems to be a positive correlation between the size of a man's penis and a woman’s satisfaction in bed. Think about it. Women, from the very beginning, have been 'gatherers', which ideally means they sow, reap and they secure provisions for their family. In a contemporary scenario, women are independent and we only expect men to provide the things and feels a dildo cannot. Women are financially independent, confident, career-minded individuals who buy their own Prada bags, drive a swanky number, and book their own vacation air tickets online. As gatherers who presi…